The ongoing saga of my roof

Well one half of the tag team returned to our humble abode last night to meet with us and disclose the 'bottom line' for his proposal on replacing our roof. Now I had met this man last week, I knew he was a 'salesmen' and could talk the ear off of a dead donkey but I knew I was in the shit when he arrived and opened up one of his notebooks for a flip chart presentation. An effin Powerpoint style flip chart presentation IN MY KITCHEN, I see these every day in work, lord knows I don't ever want to see one in my kitchen. I hadn't even had a cocktail yet, nor supper, I knew we were in for a l-o-n-g night.
He produced a thick navy blue folio with our name and address on it. Colour print outs of the photos he had taken, copies of the roofing trade organization 'white papers' for ventilation, ridge vents, roofing pitch installation rules, etc.
He flipped through the book of licenses, insurance certificates, testimonials and the pretty pictures of major jobs they had done. I could see husband's eyes beginning to glaze over. My husband, the man who can wax lyrical for hours to me about the differences between various substrate metal types and how much carbon materials cost and the intricacies of how to build a machine to manufacture semi-conductors. That man looked like he was wishing the Al Queda would invade just so this man would finish his spiel and get the F out and we could have a big fat alcoholic drink.
The longer this went on, the more I could see the dollar signs click up in my head. Like an old fashioned cash register I heard the ching ching, ching ching as each page of his presentation passed.
Not only was he giving us this presentation, he would go off on tangents, prefacing each one with 'Forgive me for going off track, I'll keep this brief..' while he described his house, former clients, pop warner football, his kids, etc. I'm not sure if the ploy is to make you feel as if they are becoming your friend and not just the roofing salesman or if it is to guilt you into the fact that he has now spent so much time on you and your proposal that you just couldn't refuse to sign on the dotted line out of guilt.

Now I want to share with you how husband and I felt after this event. I want you to picture what we were both thinking when around 9:30 (he arrived at 6:30) he FINALLY got to the actual proposal part of this and we saw that dotted line.

Strip off two layers of asphalt shingles and dispose of them.
Ice and water shield for 6 feet instead of 3, ensuring that fascia boards are wrapped.
Replace underlayment paper.
Nail down all the loose roofboards (roof is very bouncy).
Redo the flashing on 1 of our chimneys.
Spray water shield on both of our chimneys to prevent water seeping into the brick.
He didn't like the way the mason did one of our chimney caps so he wants to pull it off and reseat it so it has weepholes for drainage. The other chimney is okay as it has a huge vent fan on it.
Replace the two skylights in my kitchen, including screens and a shade.
Put in a roof ridge vent (we currently have none)
Take the vinyl siding off of the soffets and carve in a channel for ventilation and replace with better vented vinyl covering.
Since my kitchen has tongue and groove board and no true ceiling inside he knows it will be a very messy, dusty job, he would install some sort of plastic shield in the kitchen to keep it as clean as possible.
Possibly install R30 insulation board (6 inches thick) outside our kitchen roof under the shingles in order to put in some insulation and then put new fascia boards.
Replace shingles with 50 year lifetime (non pro rated) asphalt/fiberglass shingles.

I want you to guess what it would cost to do this to my tiny 1,400 sq. foot roof area....are you ready?
Think of a number in your head, cause I bet it won't be what we saw.

$35,000 US dollars.

We told him that pencil better get really FUCKING sharp before he calls us again.

We drank a whole FUCKIN bottle of wine after he left.